Free Monologue

I Don't Want to Talk About It is now available from Playscripts, Inc. (Click here to order a copy!) This play includes over a dozen monologues, ranging from comedy to drama, which makes it great for competitions, auditions, and classroom study.

In the few short months since it's publication, it's already picked up quite a number of productions, as well as Best Play awards at several one-act and speech competitions across the United States. Best of all, I've received more than a dozen emails from students and teachers, thanking me for writing a play that has allowed them to express the feelings they have long had trapped inside. As you can well imagine, these emails mean more to me than any awards.

Below I've included one of my favorite monologues from the play. I was able to sit in on a production via Skype not that long ago, and the girl who delivered this speech knocked it out of the park. It comes near the end of the play, when things have become quite serious, but this young actress was able to get the audience to laugh uproariously in spite of their grief. She provided a much needed relief from the sadness that came before it. Enjoy!

CHELSEA. I dropped an egg roll in my grandpa's casket. I can explain. People like to bring food when someone dies, you know. They don't know what to say, so they stuff their faces instead. Well, that's what my grandpa's funeral was like. An all-you-can-eat buffet. I even caught my Auntie Joan sneaking butter packets into her purse. Anyway, my Uncle Pete is married to this Asian lady named Ming. She's, like, super pretty. I wish I was that pretty. And I swear, she makes the best egg rolls ever. Better than the ones you get at the mall even. Well, she brought a pile of her famous egg rolls to the funeral and everyone clumped up at her end of the buffet. Nobody wanted the salmon salad sandwiches at the other end. The crusts might have been cut off, but salmon salad is still salmon salad. Yuck! Well, Ming had this brilliant idea to make all these different sauces to go with her egg rolls. Sweet and sour, teriyaki, lemon, plum. Plum's my favorite! I was so happy she made so many sauces because it gave us all something to talk about. "Have you tried the lemon? Taste the teriyaki. Dip it in plum!" So there I was at the front of the church, standing in line to say good-bye to Grandpa. I don't know why they left the casket open. It's not like he needed to breathe or anything. Finally my turn came to pay my respects, but I didn't know what to say. I just leaned in and stared at his face for a while. His gray whiskers were caked with pink foundation. It was kinda creepy, but I didn't say anything because everyone else thought he looked so peaceful. I could feel the line of people nudging me forward, so I just said the first thing that came to mind. "Try an egg roll," I said. "They're delicious!" And then I dropped one in next to him. Weird, I know—spending eternity with an egg roll. But somehow it felt like the right thing to do. And now when people ask how I'm doing, I know exactly what to say. "I dropped an egg roll in my grandpa's casket." It's a good story, I think. Almost as good as the sauce.